#1: Your Own Worst Critic…And Best Friend
By Sarah Wexler
You’ve heard it before: “You are your own worst critic.” It makes sense—the only person who lives inside your head 24/7 is you.
But I’ve been thinking… This seemingly innocuous saying is a bit of a double-edged sword. On one hand, self-criticism can slowly chip away at your confidence and affect your self-esteem. But on the other hand, it can push you to grow, improve, and strive for your best.
I totally get why a lot of people see being “your own worst critic” as a purely negative thing at first glance. But is being your own worst critic always a bad thing? Is there a way to harness it for growth, without letting it damage our self-worth? Let’s talk about it.
To start, let’s be real—those Instagram Story graphics and Pinterest quotes that say “No more negative self-talk!” and “Be your own best friend!” sound great in theory. But in reality, they are only fleetingly motivating. Like, how often do they actually stick? I might see one and think, Oh yeah, that’s so true. I should think that more often. But then I tap to the next story, see a girl who looks “hotter” or “more successful” than me, and—just like that—it’s gone.
The key isn’t about forcing yourself to never have negative thoughts. It’s about building a better relationship with them. Like I said before, you are in your head ALL. DAY. You can’t always stop intrusive negative thoughts from happening—but you can choose how to handle them moving forward. Your brain should be a safe place to be.
People love to say, “You wouldn’t talk to your friends the way you talk to yourself, so don’t!” While I get the sentiment, I kind of disagree. Would I literally ever think twice about my friend’s “awkward” social interaction, body, or success the way I do my own? Absolutely not, let alone critique it. But to play devil’s advocate for that little voice in the back of your mind—sometimes, you need to listen to her/him.
At the end of the day, despite the potential self-deprecating aspect of self-criticism, I’d rather hear it from myself than from a friend, family member, or future employer. If my inner voice is saying, “You’ve been really lazy—you need to work harder,” maybe there’s some truth to it. Instead of shutting it down completely, I use it as a checkpoint, not a punishment. Let those little thoughts push you forward, not backward.
On the flip side, this can be a slippery slope. Listening to one critical thought can quickly turn into listening to all of them. And before you know it, your confidence plummets, and the vicious cycle of over-analysis and self-doubt repeats.
That’s why it’s so important to regularly check in with yourself—whether it’s once a week or once a month—so that these little thoughts don’t compile over time into one big, negative self-talk monster. Simply ask yourself, “How am I doing mentally, physically, and emotionally.” Being “your own best friend” means checking in on yourself the way you would your actual best friend.
Not to turn this into a full-on self-help blog—but one thing that has actually helped me is naming the voices in my head. No, like, hear me out. Let’s say the motivating, productive voice is “Barbara,” and the self-deprecating, Instagram-stalking voice is “Meredith.” Notice a lot of negative self-talk creeping in while scrolling through social media? That’s Meredith. Tell her to go away. But if you get a bad grade and feel disappointed in yourself? That’s Barbara holding you accountable—let her push you to do better.
I recently went through this process myself, and honestly? It’s one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place. Before, I was just going through the motions and sticking to the status quo. I wasn’t pushing myself and I was comfortably bored. Sure, I had a supportive circle, interests, and school to keep me motivated. But I still felt a lack of passion, like something was missing. And that little voice in the back of my head is what pushed me to try new things like create Find Your Sparkle.
But this journey will look different for everyone! Maybe the next step is being more active, going to therapy, becoming a better friend—anything that helps you feel more aligned with the person you want to be. Let the areas of your life that feel lacking become motivators, not sources of shame. Use them as inspiration to build a life that feels full—on your own terms.
(P.S. sorry to any Merediths reading this.)
Anyway, I think you can be “your own best friend” AND “your own worst critic.” It’s all about balance. Let me know what you think.
xoxo, Sarah Love
Find Your Sparkle
Instagram: @fysparkle
TikTok: @fysparkle
Personal Instagram: @SarahWexler
