#7: You and Me Both, Billy
By Sarah Wexler
Shocking Revelation: I Have Flaws Too!
As much as I like to joke that I’m perfect (and honestly, I am in many ways), I do have a few… let’s call them quirks. Flaws. Personality glitches. Whatever you want to call it. And while I know it may shock my loyal readers, I’ll let you in on a big one:
I tend to do everything at an extreme.
Like, all or nothing. I’m slowly realizing just how much this shows up in my daily life—school, health, socializing—and how much it’s actually holding me back.
Take the gym, for example. My latest enemy. My mindset is: If I go to the gym, I have to go every single day. And I have to eat perfectly that day. And I have to track my workouts and push myself until I nearly pass out. It’s exhausting just typing that out.
God forbid I just… go to the gym.
So instead, I do the opposite. Here I am, haven’t gone in three weeks. Because if I can’t do it perfectly, why bother at all? And who suffers from that? Spoiler alert: me!!!!
My Habits are Not Atomic :(
I tried to fix this. I even read Atomic Habits, which is the holy grail of self-improvement books. The main takeaway? To do things at a smaller scale. To not focus on perfection, but rather the bigger picture of gradual progress.
Basically, do the exact opposite of what my brain has been trained to do for 22 years. Love that for me!
But this mindset isn’t just about fitness. It affects everything. Socializing, for one. Especially when I drink. It feels almost subconscious—my brain switches into this “all or nothing” mode and suddenly I’ve had one too many, again. The same obsessive energy I bring to school or working out manifests in nights out, too. And then I wake up the next day wondering why I can’t seem to find the in-between.
Honestly, this pattern has been around since middle school. I was painfully shy back then—like, “speak only when spoken to” shy. But when I was with my friends? I’d overcorrect and become loud, obnoxious, maybe even performative, hoping someone would finally see me differently.
So yeah, it’s not a new issue. It’s a me issue.
What Now??
But here’s the thing—I don’t want it to be something that keeps holding me back. I want to channel it. Rework it. Find a middle ground where I can still be passionate and driven, but not consumed by extremes. I don’t want to keep living in this loop of all or nothing.
Is it my personality? Probably. But can I shift it into something healthier and more sustainable? I really f****** hope so.
I think this whole “extreme or nothing” thing ties back to something a lot of us do—we act based on the identity we’ve formed for ourselves. Somewhere along the line, I decided that I’m either the girl who has it all together or the one who’s completely spiraling. There’s no in-between in my brain, because the in-between doesn’t fit the version of myself I’ve grown used to. But identities can shift. I don’t have to cling so tightly to the all-or-nothing mindset just because it’s familiar.
Going forward, I want to give myself permission to be inconsistent. To do things imperfectly. To let go of the pressure to get it right every single time. Because at the end of the day, there’s more success in showing up imperfectly than in staying stuck chasing perfection—or avoiding action altogether.
In the meantime, if you need me, I’ll be listening to Billy Joel and trying to find some balance. If any of you have any tips, make sure to fill the form out on the Contact tab! I would love to hear from you.
This Week’s Song: I Go To Extremes by Billy Joel
